>>> PENA JINGGA

I.M.PERFECT.I.O.N

2009-12-08T17:49:00.004+08:00

Aku dedikasikan entry ni khas untuk dia
Aku nak dia tahu
Pandangan aku tentang diri dia
Kerna pada aku
Indah itu adalah dia

Tak kira rupa bagaimana
Tak kira apa orang kata
Tak kira tentang gaya
Kerna ketidaksempurnaan dia
Itulah yang indah di jiwa aku

Sangat menyintai....amat sgt

p/s: sila click tajuk entry untuk ke link. TQ

K.O.C.A.K

2009-11-25T09:05:00.002+08:00

Hari ni hari rabu, bermula dengan pagi yang redup dan damai. Tapi hati aku masih berkocak. Mungkin time will heal me. Aku taktau tentang tu. Tapi aku cuba bersikap positif walaupun hati tgh meratap hiba terguling-guling. I need time for all these. Aku tau, entry aku lately ni sgt down n dark. Hilang dah segala gumbira yang slalu bertamu kt blog ni. Semalam aku takleh tido, puas dok guling-guling. Perut sebu, tak terasa lapar even seharian aku tak makan. Tapi mmg selera aku hilang. Semuanya terasa tawar. Dunia sgt tidak adil. But that’s life. So I hv to deal with it. At my own.

Malam tadi gak aku bnyk belek gambar2 dulu, yang sgt bnyk tersimpan kemas dlm komputer-komputer aku. Kt opis ada, kat komp umah ada…hatta kt lappy yang aku br beli pun ada. Mmg saje aku letak kt sume komp, so senang aku nak belek2. Sume kenangan ni laa yg jadikan aku terus kuat. Aku rindukan semua suasana tu. (*read : nanges) aku rasa setiap manusia penah dilanda bermacam dugaan. Harap-harap pasni sume menjadi lebey baik. Aku akan tunggu dan lihat. Tengokla cmne.

p/s: sangat best giler lagu Already Gone ni…(*ceritera sebuah perasaan…hati aku)

ALREADY GONE – KELLY CLARKSON

REMEMBER ALL THE THINGS WE WANTED
NOW ALL OUR MEMORIES THEY’RE HAUNTED
WE WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO SAY GOODBYE

EVEN WITH OUR FISTS HELD HIGH…YEAH
IT NEVER WOULD’VE WORKED OUT RIGHT…YEAH
WE WERE NEVER MEANT FOR DO OR DIE

I DIDN’T WANT US TO BURN OUT
I DIDN’T COME HERE TO HOLD YOU
NOW I CAN’T STOP

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER
WHERE WE TAKE THIS ROAD
SOMEONE’S GOTTA GO….

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
YOU COULDN’T HAVE LOVED ME BETTER
BUT I WANT YOU TO MOVE ON
SO I’M ALREADY GONE

LOOKING AT YOU MAKES IT HARDER
BUT I KNOW THAT YOU’LL FIND ANOTHER
THAT DOESN’T ALWAYS MAKE YOU WANT TO CRY

STARTED WITH A PERFECT KISS THEN
WE COULD FEEL THE POISON SET IN
PERFECT COULDN’T KEEP THIS LOVE ALIVE…

YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU SO I…
LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO LET YOU GO

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER
WHERE WE TAKE THIS ROAD
SOMEONE’S GOTTA GO….

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
YOU COULDN’T HAVE LOVED ME BETTER
BUT I WANT YOU TO MOVE ON
SO I’M ALREADY GONE

I’M ALREADY GONE…
ALREADY GONE…

YOU CAN’T MAKE IT FEEL RIGHT
WHEN YOU KNOW THAT IT’S WRONG

I’M ALREADY GONE…
ALREADY GONE…
THERE’S NO MOVING ON
SO I’M ALREADY GONE

ALREADY GONE…(2X)
ALREADY GONE…(OH…)
ALREADY GONE…(2X)
ALREADY GONE…(YEAH…)

REMEMBER ALL THE THINGS WE WANTED
NOW ALL OUR MEMORIES THEY’RE HAUNTED
WE WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO SAY GOODBYE

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER
WHERE WE TAKE THIS ROAD
SOMEONE’S GOTTA GO….

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
YOU COULDN’T HAVE LOVED ME BETTER
BUT I WANT YOU TO MOVE ON
SO I’M ALREADY GONE

I’M ALREADY GONE…
ALREADY GONE…

YOU CAN’T MAKE IT FEEL RIGHT
WHEN YOU KNOW THAT IT’S WRONG

I’M ALREADY GONE…
ALREADY GONE…
THERE’S NO MOVING ON
SO I’M ALREADY GONE

P.E.D.I.H

2009-11-24T22:46:00.004+08:00

Member aku penah ckp, bila hati tgh sayang, terjun ke lautan api pun kita sanggup. Kalau dh mula buat palat tu, haa....mula la kuar segala mcm maki hamun berbakul2 yg kita dok buat stok dlm hati selama itu. Aku tak pasti sejauh mana betulnya ckp member aku neh. Tp pada aku, aku x penah kompromi soal hati n perasaan. Knowing myself, aku mmg seorang yg setia. Tak kirala ada member aku kata perkataan setia tu merupakan satu situasi antik yang tak blh digunapakai dalam kehidupan hari ni. But yes, i’m a loyal person and i always walk my talk. Not saying aku neh baik giler babi, tp dalam kategori yang agak baik laa gak. But yet, slalu tak bernasib baik dlm hal dan soal hati sayang ni. Taktau knp, pueh dah aku dok pecah kepala pikir....pikir...pikir, tak gak faham tang lagu mana lg nak kena ubah. Well, perhaps distance is the major n biggest issue on the top of others. Aku bknla try to be defensive, tapi aku rasa aku ni dh agak usaha laa gak utk lakukan yang terbaik. Well, maybe tak cukup baik. Mungkinlah. Tu mungkin kekhilafan aku. Again, mungkin.....

Pada aku, meletakkan seluruh kepentingan pd org yang aku syg merupakan satu bentuk priority yang tidak blh dikompromi. Biarla aku namakan manusia ni sebagai N je. Pada aku N merupakan seorang yang baik, caring dan mcm2 laa lagi kebaikan dia yang kalau aku dok tulis kt sini, mmg smpi ke tahun depan tak abis. Aku mmg syg kt dia. Kira mmg super gabanla syg. Dan dalam soal hubungan, hati dan perasaan ni aku rasa mmg sgt common ada pasang surutnya, sama gak mcm bursa saham. Aku gak slalu tanamkan sikap toleransi dan try my very best to be there setiap kali dia nak berkeluh kesah n such. Sbb pada aku, a relationship is not bout having a good time together, tp plg penting thru a hard time. There’s where a pure heart counts. Sumpah, mmg aku sygkan dia. Amat sgt...sgt2.

*gambar hiasan?

Bnyk dh aku korbankan utk sebuah perkara bergelar hubungan ni. Bayangkan, parents aku mmg terang2 bantah aku dgn dia atas sbb-sbb yang aku pun tak pasti kenapa. But biasala, aku kan degil tahap gaban. Maka berhempas pulas dan gigihlah aku menongkah badai dan onak semata-mata atas dasar kasih dan sayang. Terpaksala mengencing di sana sini semata-mata to steal some precious time utk spend dgn dia bila saja aku ada masa terluang. To be honest, aku mmg sgt sedikit masa luang yg kosong cmtu tiap kali aku jejakkan kaki ke KL. Trus terang, aku terpaksa pinggirkan kengkawan aku ke tepi sgt2 bnyk kali semata-mata untuk ada lebey masa untuk dia. Tp yelah, tu je masa yang aku ada. Xpela, pengorbanan aku bukan untuk dituntut ganti. Memadailah dihargai segala yang aku curahkan. Member2 aku ramai yang ckp aku neh sewel sbb sampai cmtu skali usaha. Kalau ikut derang, apa susah, pasang je cawangan dua, tiga. Setakat muka market cmni, senang je dpt. Tp entah, aku bkn cmtu. Sbb aku percayakan soal kejujuran. Yes, honesty pd aku sgtla penting.

Mcm berdosa besarla gamaknya aku rasa kalau aku ada sembunyikan sesuatu dr dia. So aku yg kononnya jujur neh gemarla update apa je yg aku buat...hatta nak gi main badminton dgn kengkawan skalipun. Sbb aku rasa dgn cara tu, we can remain in a positive mode. Tapi ntahla, dugaan Tuhan agaknya. Nak duga kesabaran aku. Lately ni i’m losing my grip. Kami makin jauh...jauh...dan sgt jauh. Hati aku sgt tak best sbnrnyer. Tapi bila aku ckp mende ni, dia lak ungkit pasal aku pun penah buat dunno kt dia once. Yes...once. and i admit i’ve made mistake. So aku pun diamkan je sbb aku ni mmg stok malas nak bising2 sgt. Tak sukala bergaduh hal remeh temeh ni. Stok understandingla kononnya.ntahla...yelah kot.

But as return, aku rasa hati aku bertambah sakit lagik. Bertambah2 kecewa bila baca tulisan dia kt satu blog tu. Tuhan je yg tau betapa frust melantun-lantunnya aku neh. Dah arr aku tgh demam sume, baca lak mende cmtu. Trus la mood aku swing dan down giler2. Serius, aku tak penah amik ati sbelum ni dgn apa2 yg dia wat. But now, rasa takleh nak gi dh. Serius mereng kepala aku dibuatnya. Aku tak marah, cuma rasa down, sedey bertimpa-timpa. Tau tak cmne rasanya bila tak diberi perhatian, yet hati korang disakitkan berulang kali. Hah, cmtula rasa dia. Kalau stok org lain, aku x kisahla sgt. Tp bila org yg aku super sayang wat cmtu, mmg tertonggeng2 dh aku rasa.

Time aku tulis entry neh, hati aku ok cuma aku rasa empty. Lost dan taktau nak luah kt sapa. So, aku tulis la kt sini. Bukan untuk sape-sape baca. Tapi untuk sedarkan diri aku sendiri dan untuk tanya diri aku sendiri...’Am i that bad? Am i deserve to be hurt?’

p/s: Tuhan, aku telah lelah...(*sayang itu masih tebal....terus smpi bila2)

P.U.D.A.R

2009-11-20T20:17:00.003+08:00

Dah lama aku tak menulis kt sini. Bukanlah sbb aku ni sibuk sgt, Cuma sbb aku rasa bnyk hal2 biasa je yg berlaku seharian. Aku tak minat nak cite mende2 rutin harian utk org lain baca. Aku Cuma menulis bila aku rasa perlu. Pd aku, blog bukan tmpt utk aku tempek segala serba serbi yg aku buat hari2. Pd aku, blog adalah satu medium untuk aku salurkan sesuatu apabila keadaan mendesak. Bila aku ada mende khusus, br aku rasa perlu tulis kt sini. Bukan untuk sapa2 baca, tp memadai untuk jadi satu cara untuk aku release apa yg aku rasa time itu (*mcm time skrg ni ah)

Apa yang aku ngarut neh? (*read : pale ting tong)

Sesambil menaip neh, sambil layan lagu Already Gone, fuh giler jiwang. Parah neh...aduyai. Aku tgh kusut kepala. Kdg2 sebagai manusia aku tak brape faham apa yg manusia neh nak. Kejap nak cmni, kejap nak cmtu. Pehtu time gembira, lupa pd sume manusia lain. Bila time meratap hiba, hah....br la ingt nak berkeluh kesah. I don’t really bother bout ur personal life honey, but at least u should know how to appreciate people that care bout u at most. Kdg2 aku tak faham, knp aku je yang kena selalu nak open minded pd org lain. Bihtu hati aku neh cmne? Ingt aku neh xde perasaan ke? Being silent tak semestinya aku always in a calm mode all d time. Honey, do grow up n open wide ur eyes. Look around. U don’t hv to be around me 24/7, but at least show some effort lah kan. At least, Tanya kabar n such. Malas nak call, sms pun would be fine. Aku tau, memasing ada mcm2 kekangan n hal memasing. Aku pun malas nak bising2 slalu. Masing2 dh besar. Ada akal, blh pakai. Lulusan university tersohor, takkan mende simple cmni tak reti nak pikir. Aku tau la aku pun penah loose a bit, here n there. But i put some some effort to fix it. And i assume the other party to do the same thing as what i did. Vice versa.

Kenapa perlu point up mende2 lepas, aku pun tak faham. Tp dua tiga hari ni, aku sgt down n stress. I cant take all these excuses n such. Aku rasa mcm tak dihargai. (*read : sgt sedih). Maybe its bout time for me to rethink bout this n that. Aku dh penat, at some points. Ayat yg aku tulis ni pun dh mula start merapu. Maybe kalau dua, tiga kali...aku blh beralah. I don’t hv any issue bout it. Tapi aku harapkan org lain gak faham yang hati aku ni perlu gak dijaga. Now, aku rasa mcm dh xleh nak masuk pale dh dgn mende2 neh. Rasa mcm aku ni sebenarnyer xde nilai apa2pun. All these while, efforts, times n everything that i put into this , rasa mcm useless. Mungkin org tak faham, betapa aku sgt excited looking forward for this so called November. To celebrate n having some great moment with someone. But look mcm sume nya x memberi apa2 makna pd dia.

Aku masih berfikir n akan terus berfikir apa yang terbaik untuk tindakan seterusnya. Wish me luck

p/s: sgt sakit hati, sgt sedey, sgt konpius dan SANGAT SANGAT TERASA HATI....yet aku still x smpi ati nak susahkan ati org lain...hmm

Legasi

2009-07-16T17:25:00.002+08:00

Michael Jackson (MJ) was known as the most loving person in the world. He gave up most of his assets for charity and all his life, he fought for equality of the African Americans, AIDS victims, Against Drug Abuse, Against Abortion, Against Child Labor and secretly channelled his properties for the hungry children of the world. However, he wasn't peace at heart. He always think of himself as a child trapped inside a man's body. Being Peter Pan is all his dream, never to grow up, forever a child. That inspires him to build Neverland - a heaven for children. Children of all ages and races are welcomed to Neverland. MJ had so much love to give.

However, he made a mistake which he didn't know of the consequences. He saw the peaceful life his brother, Jermaine (Muhammad Abdul Aziz) had as a Muslim - true, Jermaine faced so much pressure that he moved to Bahrain.

In 1989, MJ made a press conference which shocked the world, "I have seen the Islam in the life of my brother, I have read the books about Islam. And I'd love to someday feel the calmness and peace of Islam...."

Since that, MJ's life was never the same again.He was accused of so many accusations against child molestation. MJ was not someone who can deal with much pressure as he is a 'delicate child'. All the extortion and black mail followed after that. Everything he did was being seen as wrong in the eyes of the Media. All these are to influence his fans to hate MJ. If he is hated, then he would not be influencial anymore.

For several years, he stayed in England . Getting motivation from a long time friend, Cat Stevens, who had converted into Islam - named Yusuf Islam. From him, MJ learnt how Yusuf had survived being Muslim. He made friends with a song writer, Zain Bhikha too, who wrote a song titled, "GIVE THANKS TO ALLAH", which he wanted MJ to sing whenever he is ready.

Following his trial, MJ withdrew to Bahrain , where he was the special guest of sheik Abdullah bin Hamad Al Khalifa, the son of Bahrain ’s king. It was then that Michael began to give conversion more “serious thought.”MJ stayed in Bahrain for approximately 3 years. He studied Islam, the prayers and learn to read the Koran (al-Quran).

Finally, he came back to Los Angeles and in November 2008 MJ had formally converted to Islam in a ceremony at a close friend’s house in Los Angeles .He perform Haj with the King of Bahrain and son on December 2008.

He had a hidden agenda when he wanted to make a final comeback. He annouced in a press conference on March 2009, "This will be my final concert. I'll see you all in July...."

He planned that during his concert, he would announce that this is the FINAL concert as he wouldn't be performing anymore. He will declare that he is a Muslim and will only sing with Yusuf Islam and Friends.At the end of the concert, he will be singing the song, "GIVE THANKS TO ALLAH" with Yusuf Islam. That is the reason why he chose London as his final concert venue instead of the USA . It was because he thought he could escape the USA 's extortion, and that he could perform with yusuf Islam who is in England .

At 12.30am, 25th June 2009, he hugged his production manager and said, "After reherasing for 2 months, I am finally ready for the concert..."Before leaving to sleep, he waved his dancers, "It was a good night everyone. I'll see you all tomorrow..."

The next thing... He was pronouced dead at 2.26am....

When 911 was called, there are so much questions asked. It is as if they didn't know who MJ is and where he lived. The questions asked are more towards to delay time.The hospital said the autopsy result can only be obtained after 2 months - very illogical as even the worst African technology could obtain the result in less than 2 weeks.

MJ's family members opt for second private autopsy as they started to feel something fishy is going on. The result came out in about 4 days - MJ was drugged with high dosage of anaesthetic - drug that brings about a reversible loss of consciousness, if used to much could stop the heart from beating.

Another result which was not aired in the media was, MJ's stomach is empty of this drug, but his blood were filled with it - same case as the death of Marilyn Monroe.The private doctors also found many needle marks, afraid to be forced injections given to MJ on his bed.

In CNN Live after a week, Barack Obama was interviewed. And he said, "I love MJ, I grew up listening to his songs. It is a great loss, but rest assured that there is no conspiracy in his death..."Now, why must a President made such statement before the official autopsy result came out? How would he know that there is no conspiracy without the post-mortem result? Seems like someone is afraid of his shadows.

MJ was known to the world as a person who is against drug abuse. Why must he be addicted to drug, then? If he wanted to commit suicide, why rehearse for his concert? And why will he want to see his dancers the next day?

Enough about his death. I am sure people around the world is not stupid anymore. These supreme power can fool us during the Marilyn Monroe conspiracy, Martin Luther King and Princess Diana. But in this MJ's case, they left too many loopholes for those who think...!!MJ left us with this unfinished studio-recorded song, GIVE THANKS TO ALLAH. You can download this song here:

http://www.filefactory.com/file/ahb80ff/n/Micheal_Jackson_-_Give_Thanks_To_Allah_mp3

MJ's family was about to give him a Muslim burial with the help of The Brotherhood of Islam. But, the CIA showed up at Neverland's door - blackmailed them that if they do so publicly, Katherine (MJ's mother) would be pull off from MJ's 3 children's custody as well as MJ's estates. Instead, they'll hire Debbie Rowe for the purpose, and the court will be in their favour. So much for democracy and fairness...

Finally, they agreed to let MJ have a Muslim Burial in Neverland. But in condition, must show to the public a Christian Memorial Service, as to prove to the world that MJ was never a Muslim.

So, Staples Centre was just a normal show. That's why the coffin was closed and sealed.

MJ was buried days earlier. The Gold Coffin was empty. They were about to bury the Coffin according to Christianity ways in Hollywood - as in their deal with the USA Government.

These happened, because the USA is afraid of the rising numbers of Muslims in the world.

(Sheikh Ha**d)

The Brotherhood of Islam

Buletin of Bahrain

(*i dont know either this is true or not...but it leaves us to hv a think. Wallahualam)

Noktah

2009-01-02T09:49:00.004+08:00

Salam maal hijrah dan selamat tahun baru 2009 aku ucapkan buat semua teman dan rakan sama ada kenal aku secara peribadi, ataupun cuma di alam maya ni. Menyorot 2008, terlalu banyak perkara berlaku. Suka duka, masam manis sepanjang tahun sudah menjadikan aku seorang manusia yang lebih matang dan semakin dewasa dalam menempuh kehidupan untuk hari-hari mendatang. Kedapatan dan kehilangan yang mewarnai kehidupan aku sepanjang tahun sudah juga mendidik aku menjadi insan yang lebih tabah dan lebih bersyukur dengan segala yang terberi oleh Nya

Menjengah tahun baru, semua bertanya tentang resolusi dan azam baru. Pada aku, membawa semangat tahun-tahun sebelumnya, aku berdoa semoga diberikan kesempatan mengecapi corak hidup yang lebih baik, menjadi manusia yang baik sesama insan dan menjadi hamba yang lebih baik kepada Tuhan. Perkara ini mungkin kedengaran sangat klise, tapi aku yakin semua orang menginginkan sesuatu yang lebih baik untuk kehidupan mereka

Aku secara peribadi ingin memperbaiki diri aku untuk menjadi lebih baik dari sebelumnya bukan sahaja kepada diri aku sendiri, malah kepada semua manusia di sekeliling aku. Aku pasti banyak kekurangan yang ada sebelum ini, dan aku akan cuba usahakan untuk memberi yang lebih baik pada masa akan datang. Buat semua insan yang menyayangi dan menghargai diri aku, terima kasih aku ucapkan. Minta maaf andai selama ini terlalu banyak kesilapan dan kesalahan yang aku lakukan. Sesungguhnya kekhilafan itu menuntut aku memberi yang lebih baik pada masa akan datang, insyaAllah

Ruang ini bermula sebagai platform untuk aku bercerita tentang pelbagai perkara yang berlaku dalam hidup aku, juga sebagai satu layar untuk aku melontarkan pandangan dan amukan perasaan. Saat ini, aku perlukan satu ruang baru untuk meneroka sisi hidup dan dunia baru. Terima kasih atas segala kesempatan yang terhidang selama ini. Sesungguhnya, pengakhiran ini adalah satu hijrah untuk sesuatu yang lebih baik, insyaAllah

Assalamualaikum wbt